IT’S A DIRTY WORD!

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imageThis post might be offensive to some, but I cannot imagine that anyone could be more offended that I! My mom said it was inappropriate for a Southern gentleman to post such, but I think I should be afforded a tad bit of latitude. The last two days I have been biting at my flanks, much like a horse colicing. I even awakened Mom and Dad this morning at 1 AM with crying, flank biting and rolling about on the floor. My mom already had an appointment for me to be checked today. She didn’t know if it the issue was intestinal or something else. After 7 surgeries, in seventeen months, one can only imagine how on guard and wary mom is when my behavior changes. Dr Ratcliff gave me a thorough check up. After a couple of tests which I found inappropriate and which left me feeling indignant – you know those “behind” the scene tests- which, by the way, just so you’ll know, came back negative. SHEESH!
We all just stood there, Dr. Ratcliff, Mom, Darcy (vet tech) and moi (in all of my naked glory- not even a bow tie) and they had not a clue. All of a sudden, out of nowhere came a horrible word from the very nice lady vet tech’s mouth. A word so vile that it would curdle the ears on a sailor. She said the “F WORD”! I was shocked, I was appalled, I was mortified . Yep, she said it, she said “FLEA”!
I had a FLEA.
Oh the shame of it all!
I can’t even hold my head up!

SIDELINED!!!!!

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Good morning!
Bless my paws and whiskers! After 3.5 hours in ER last night due to a blocked urinary track, I am resting comfortably. We walked into the ER at the LSU/OLE MISS kickoff and walked out with 7 secs on the clock. It took those two big teams the same amount of time to score 2 touchdowns and a field goal as it took me to, as we say in the South, “make water”!
Everyone in there was pulling for LSU, but I held the line for OLE MISS. Dad had on his UGA shirt and it got my ER vet all excited. Yep, sure did, ’cause she went to GEORGIA!! Naturally, with an English bull dog as their mascot, she was very happy to have an English Bull TERRIER as a patient! GO DAWGS!!!
This morning, my primary veterinarian, Dr. Ratcliff, wanted to check things out for himself. He went to LSU veterinary school, so I’ve covered ALL the bases! After reviewing my LAB work
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and X-rays from last night, he is putting me on an antibiotic. Mom is also to catch a fresh stream (sample) of urine in the morning to be sent to another lab for a more detailed check. That urine catching used to be like a game of “catch me if you can”, but Mom’s figured it out now- SHEESH!
Felix Peach wanted to do a “CAT” scan and I told him “NO!” in NO uncertain terms!
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I’ve also had increased reflux since I got off one of my meds, so I’m going back on them for now.
Thank you again for all of your prayers. My mom and dad were so scared. and to be perfectly honest I was too because I drank a lot of water just before my “faucet” became blocked!
Thank you all for your prayers, good thoughts, emails and texts. It means so much to all of us and especially to This rescued bully! And to my “Auntie” Susan, for appearing at the ER to keep Dad and Mom company and to Izzie’s mom for calling from a party in Galveston- I send special kisses!
Yes, I am resting comfortably with Aqua Dog!
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HOUSE DIVIDED! (OLE MISS and LSU)

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A House Divided Cannot Stand,” according to Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln may have been a good president, but he knew nothing about football’s SEC. (South Eastern Conference)!
Many people date and marry others who attended the same college as they. Naturally, their tailgating parties and team spirit are harmonious, but then there is something called “A House Divided” and oh what an exhausting cacophony of cheering THAT brings!
My girlfriend, the lovely Miss “tiger” Leila, and I, the consummate “Southern Gentleman”,  will be a “House Divided” this weekend.
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She will be cheering on Louisiana State University (LSU) and I will actually be on the sidelines of The University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) SUITED UP- just incase they call!
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You see, it’s been 11 years since LSU and Ole Miss faced one another as ranked teams. And
the first time since 1961 that Ole Miss is ranked higher than LSU when both teams are ranked.
HOTTY TODDY! GO TIGERS! I’ll bet the decibel level will rock LSU’s Death Valley Stadium where the game will be played. Who knows, it might even register on the Richter scale!
So here we are. Tomorrow No. 3 Ole Miss and No. 23 LSU are going to revisit history and hopefully bring back THE GLORY DAYS of 1958-1963!
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WE ARE READY!

ARE YOU READY?

Hell Yeah! Damn Right!

Hotty Toddy,  Gosh Almighty,

TIGER, TIGER BURNING BRIGHT,

LSU or OLE MISS?

No matter WHO wins, I get kissed!

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HOUSTON, THIS IS MR. KIPPERS, WE HAVE LIFT OFF AT OLIVINE!

Neil Armstrong keyed his mic on July 20, 1969 and spoke these words to the entire world via Mission Control in HOUSTON-

“ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND!”

45 years later, similar words are being echoed to the world, well at least 56 countries, though this blog, via Olivine in HOUSTON-

“ONE SMALL STEP FOR CLASSIC KIPPERS, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR THE ABUSED AND ABANDONED!”

It’s true, it’s very true! My ties are now being sold, not only at JOHN PICKENS CLOTHIER in SHREVEPORT, LA, but also OLIVINE (Rice Village) HOUSTON, TEXAS!

My ties, information cards and display are now in the capable paws of the shop’s most discerning buyer, Miss Izzie! Miss Izzie is pictured below unpacking the merchandise

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under the auspices of Miss Elle, whom Izzie often considers a royal pain.

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Miss Izzie is an invaluable asset to Olivine. As a matter of fact, she has already sold TWO Classic Kippers’ ties to a delightful lady from North Carolina! The best part is that money is already being made for those who are wandering the streets of Houston, not knowing what it’s like to be loved, nor what it feels like to have a full tummy.

I repeat: “ONE SMALL STEP FOR CLASSIC KIPPERS, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR THE ABUSED AND ABANDONED!”

We are saving dogs, one tie at a time!

GO BIG BROWN!

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Friday was a RED LETTER DAY for CLASSIC KIPPERS and ME!
As you know, I had my bow ties, information cards and advertising display all set out and ready to take to the UPS STORE on Friday morning. I had even selected a lovely red CLASSIC KIPPERS bow tie to wear to the UPS STORE, in honor of it being a RED LETTER DAY and all. I mean seriously, this was to be a very big deal. I was shipping to my friend and new partner, Miss Izzie, in Houston. There I sat, all packed up and ready to load into the Kipper Mobile for this monumental event. And there I sat -8:00 AM. And there I sat -9:00 AM. And there I sat -10:00 AM. And then I got pawsitivly hot under the bow tie! Where was my ride?? Where was my personal photographer? I watched the paws on the Spuds clock go around and around and at half pas one, I heard the “Kipper Mobile” pull up.
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It seems that one of the horses at the family farm got really sick and Mom was out there with the vet and the wonderful barn manager Miz T. I was somewhat dubious at first as to the legitimacy of this illness, (some mammals will do just about anything to be in the limelight) but I decided to follow Ronald Reagan’s advice- “TRUST, BUT VERIFY”!
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It turned out to be true, so I had to acquiesce and realize that Mom couldn’t be in two places in one time. We loaded up everything and it was time to go. One tiny snag, I am short leg challenged and needed a bum boost to get in. Once that was a fait accompli, we were off to the UPS STORE! Upon arrival, I trotted into the store to discuss the packing of my display, while Mom schlepped in everything we were shipping. Tensing Norgay has nothing on her! It’s true, she is a “Super Sherpa”! She picks up and carries my svelte 45 pounds whenever I don’t have the desire to motivate on my own. Uh, yes, I’ve got HER number-but she loves me!

Feeling relatively confident that it would be done properly, we had a mini photo shoot and left Miss Izzie’s package in the capable hands of UPS.
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But wait! On the way out I checked out the greeting cards. Turtle motif??!?! These people do their job well!!
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And yes, my package will be arriving in Houston, via UPS, THIS afternoon AND into Miss Izzie’s capable paws! 

HOUSTON -HERE COMES CLASSIC KIPPERS!

Next month will mark the first anniversary of the launch of my CLASSIC KIPPERS COLLECTION of bow ties at JOHN PICKENS CLOTHIER. That will certainly be an exciting milestone, but CLASSIC KIPPERS and I have some awesome news to share with you -TONIGHT!

DRUM ROLL PLEASE!

My CLASSIC KIPPERS’ COLLECTION is getting ready to be unveiled at THE FABULOUS
OLVINE’S at 2405 Rice Blvd. in HOUSTON, TEXAS!
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Yes, it’s true! My friend Miss Izzie, a star in her own right and the most gorgeous Sheltie ever and her mom, are going to carry my collection of ties in their chic store in Rice Village!

Izzie has but to pick up the phone and her wish is my command. You see, when I was going through my two most serious surgeries, Izzie led the Prayer Warrior charge.  From her woof to God’s ear! I am eternally grateful to her, her mom, Sonja Fitzpatrick and all of her hundreds of followers!

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We are looking forward to doing business together. You see, the profits from my Classic Kippers’ ties, which are sold in Shreveport, stay in Shreveport to help other abused and abandoned animals like myself! Likewise, profits from ties which Miss Izzie will sell at OLVINE’S , will stay in Houston to help the myriad of poor and abandoned animals there. That’s my policy. I mean, those that do the work should reap the benefits! N’cest ce pas? It’s only the proper thing to do! My dream to pay forward my good fortune to help other rescues is expanding to the LONE STAR STATE!
Thank you Izzie!!!

I am so excited to be showing in such a chic venue. I checked out OLVINE’S this summer while vacationing at the Hotel ZaZa! They weren’t open at the time, but I got to peer in the windows. I certainly hope that my nose prints weren’t too noticeable!
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Today I was very busy AND nervous, as I packed up a lovely sampling of my ties, story cards, a display base and 20″x 30″ photo of moi! I even wrote out an inventory sheet and personal letter to them -ALL BY MYSELF!
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I thought that taking pen to paw lent that certain custom touch to the order. I know that they will appreciate my attentive service. Let’s face it, in this day and age of super technology, old school personal service, including a handwritten note, has just about gone the was of the mastodon!
Tomorrow morning Mom is driving me to the UPS store to ship my package and Miss Izzie will be on the other end to receive it. I just know that she will unpack them with great care and display them with her usual panache!
I doubt that I will be able to sleep tonight, Felix Peach promised to sing me a song to help me doze off, but I just know that I won’t be able to sleep….
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FOOTBALL SCORES

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This weekend I pulled for:

OLE MISS

GEORGIA

CLEMSON

LSU

and

ALABAMA

THEY ALL WON- enough said!

WICKED!

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It’s getting pretty scary at my house! The decorating has begun, but it’s NOT finish yet. Thought y’all would like a preview of Halloween. Of course, I am togged out in one of my fabulous Candy Corn Classic Kippers bow ties.

Très fantasmagorique!  N’est ce pas?

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STAY TUNED…..something wicked this way comes!

IDIOMS AND MAKING HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES!

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MAKE HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES.

LET ME EXPLAIN
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Y’all know how I love learning and this week was no exception!
First I studied IDIOMS.
An idiom is a combination of words that has a figurative meaning, due to its common usage.

Some of my favorites are:

“A leopard cannot change its spots.
The notion that things cannot change their innate nature.
Hmmmm- something that should be considered especially in politics. Just saying…

“A piece of cake.”
It refers to something that is perceived to be very easy or simple, something that is as easy to do as eating a piece of cake.
Easy??? Excuse me please! I have seen many a cake on our kitchen counter and nary a morsel came my way! “Easy?” My left hind foot!

“A taste of your own medicine.”
You do something bad to someone that they have done to you to teach them a lesson.
Whoa Nellie! If that isn’t a 180 degrees from the Golden Rule I don’t know what is! And if I got caught NOT following the Golden Rule, well, here in the South they’d say that I’d get my “biscuits buttered”-ouch!

And finally,
“Make hay while the sun shines.”
Which brings me to the heart of this post.

It’s Fall, and time for the last cutting of hay for the year. To those not familiar with farming it sounds relatively simple-
1. Grass grows
2. Grass gets mowed
3. Hay gets put into round or square packages tied up with string. (We get the square kind)
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WRONG! Well, not entirely. Grass does grow and gets cut, then it gets fluffed into windrows, has to dry, gets put into squares -which are really rectangles -SHEESH- picked up out of the field and finally, stacked in the barn. WHEW! And, ALL of this depends on the weatherman and his forecast. If he’s wrong, and those bales get wet–POOF– ruined!
This past week was forecast to be sunny, so we had to literally make hay while the sun was shining! 

I positively love idioms!

Naturally, I had to do my fair share.

First and foremost I had to supervised the entire operation.

I drove the fields and checked on  moisture content*, bale quality etc.
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YEEEE HAW! There were bales as far as I could see and more bales than this farming bully could count! The guys were going to be very busy! I made a mental count.

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Despite the baling going on for three days, there were still stalls to muck. I decided to lend a paw to Miz T. Miz T manages the barn and the horses. Of course she really doesn’t need any help, she always keeps them spit spot, but she’s so nice AND pretty…

Let’s just weigh out the options.

1. Helping throw bales of hay with some sweaty, dirty guys, or

2. muck stalls with a really pretty cowgirl. EVEN A HUMAN COULD FIGURE THAT OUT!
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With that chore done, it was back to check on the guys in the field and the horses. Miz T didn’t want me to leave, but a dog’s gotta do what a dog’s gotta do.
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The pasture was pristine and the hay was neatly stacked in the barn.
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I stopped to check on the horses and remembered an old John Wayne quote.

“Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”

Then I remembered one on which  I “sorta” collaborated with Kenny Rogers.

“Good sense is knowing when to back a way and know when to RUN!”
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Or was that, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em , know when to fold ‘em…” Poker anyone?
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There’s nothing like sitting on a fresh, fragrant bale of hay at the end of a long day. Cause, don’t cha know? 
Cowdogs WORK HARD, PLAY HARD and WIN BIG!
FOUR ACES
SWEET!

*MOISTURE CONTENT-if it has too much, the hay can mold in the barn and it’s bad for the horses and, even worse, it can cause spontaneous combustion and yep, BLOW UP YOUR BARN!
I kid you not, it happens!

JEEPING BULLY STYLE!

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The bite of Fall is in the air,
The answer to my fervent prayer!

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When Fall arrives the jeep comes out,
Wind in my face makes me shout!

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I’m cruisin’ the town like a pro,
Cause I’m a big bull terrier don’t cha know.

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After our outing I wanted more, so we stopped at our neighborhood yogurt store.
I lapped and licked ’twas shear delight,

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Then home we headed before the night!
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In poetry class I got a “C”,
But rhyming makes me bark with glee.

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